What Saving Myself for Marriage Gave Me (Instead of Keeping From Me!)
Friends! WHAT A FUN series this has been together! Apart of our mission here at Becoming is to help you buy into the process that God has for you in this young woman stage of life- and for me, this season of singleness to marriage was HUGE! That’s why I have loved opening up the conversation and sharing some truths that saved my heart, secrets that saved my budget and encouragement for Engagements, Weddings & Singleness! Because let’s be honest, we need all the advice and encouragement we can get in this category! Ha! The past two weeks on Engagements and Weddings were an absolute blast, but this week I have to say, I am a little extra excited about. It’s kinda a big deal.
So sit back for a few minutes, get ready and let’s get real.
I would love to sit here with you and sugar coat this whole topic. Make it seem as if it’s really not that big of a deal, because after all- society tells me “I can do me”! This is my body, my life, my decisions- I can do whatever I want and at the end of the day, if I’m happy then it’s really all okay.
But sweet friend, you are worth too much.
You’re worth too much for me to sit here and lie to you. But you know what else? You are ALSO too loved for me to sit here and cast any sort of judgement on you. So surprise, this is not that kind of post. Because in reality, girl, Jesus can’t get enough of you. And the truth that He wants to speak to us is not condemning; it’s full of love, redemption and freedom if we allow it.
Ry and I dated for 4 years before we got married, and like any romantic relationship, there were opportunities were we could have had sex before we got married. But we didn’t. We waited until marriage. We chose to intentionally- through the truth of God we chose to live by and the love we had for each other. We waited. We saved. And I could literally do a happy dance about it. I actually may have on our honeymoon.
Let’s be honest, sex is being promoted all around us in this culture. It’s pretty much the focus of every TOP 40 song on the radio, it’s the hook for most commercials, movies, TV shows and intriguing conversation. It’s made to seem normal, not sacred and even… needed outside of marriage.
But oh dear friend, if I could hug you closely and whisper truth to you, you were created to give your body to only one person. Your husband. On your wedding day. Period.
And I know it’s hard sometimes. Especially now. It takes an understanding between the two of you, strength and will power- and most importantly, the Lord. And if you haven’t or didn’t save yourself for your marriage, this is where I want to whisper some truth to you also. The Lord looks on you, RIGHT NOW, in complete love. Not disgust, not hate, not condemnation. Love. A love that forgives and if you will let Him- even restore and redeem.
Saving myself for Ryan didn’t take ANYthing away from my relationship with Him. Oh girl, saving ourselves for our Wedding Day GAVE ME SO MUCH
1. [ Truth] Saving Ourselves Gave Me Complete Peace on our Wedding Night
During the 4 years leading up to the Best Day of our lives, our Wedding Day, we set boundaries. Physical boundaries AND heart boundaries that were founded on the truth found in the Word of God. The heart of God. Why!? Because, the heart of God is for us. Not against us. It’s for our good, not our harm.
And trust me I know, as a teen-20something, it is SO easy to get caught up in the idea that we know what is best for ourselves. But how many broken crazy girls, like myself, can confidently say NO. JESUS HELP! Haha!
Society will try to sell you a knock off version of peace found in “you doing you”. But the kind of peace you were made to experience, and crave for deep inside your heart is only found when you follow God’s truth. Want to know when I didn’t feel peace at all?!? When Ryan and I almost fell short.
But oh. The night of our Wedding. When the time had come. And then it went. A RIDICULOUS amount of peace filled every part of us. Everything we had been waiting for, holding off for, was now happening in its right context. And we just knew. It was being blessed. It was in the right time. It was in God’s perfect timing. Marriage.
I want that peace for you friend, and I know that you can experience it EVEN if you have already had sex before marriage. Give it to God, step away and start saving yourself for your day. This peace, is worth it.
2. [ Truth] Also, It Gave Me, Confidence In My Body
There are plenty of things about my body that could appear wrong to many people. And at times, felt flawed even to myself.
And I didn’t think that saving myself, my entire self, for Ryan would give me this truth. But it did. Ryan and I grew to love each other in so many ways. Ways that went far beyond what the eye sees. And so when Our Wedding Night came- we were comfortable. We were confident. We were each others. Fully loved, fully accepted. There was no shame, because he was the one God had for me.
Girl, you deserve to be cherished and loved by the one God has for you. Wait for him. And save yourself FOR him.
3. [Encouragement] What to Give Away and What to Keep?
One of my loveliest mentors once told me something that changed my dating life forever, “Never give something away that you aren’t willing to leave behind forever”. When you give any part of yourself away physically, to another guy, whether you like it or not- it is gone. You can’t get it back. Because your body is more than just skin and bones. It’s a soul. It’s a temple. It’s holy
And it was meant for one person. And so when you give it away to someone OTHER than that one person on your Wedding Day, you very well may walk away one day and leave that part of you with that person forevermore. Is that person worth that part of you? If they aren’t your Husband, Im sorry girl- but they aren’t. And your husband deserves all of you when the time comes. Wouldn’t you want him to be able to give YOU all of himself instead of leftover pieces he has from throughout the years.
Save yourself for marriage girl. Don’t have sex with someone else’s future husband. BOOM!
4. [Secret] PLEASE, Do Yourself a Favor and Read This!
"The Good Girl’s Guide to Sex". Go. Get it. READ IT!!!
This Book seriously made me cry laugh every single time I opened it, it informed me like crazy and it set. me. up. for. success. in marriage with my husband. A good girl by the way, in case you are wondering, is simply a God girl. Not a perfect girl. Not even a virgin. Just a girl who wants what God wants for her and is ready to start NOW.
5. Secret] Let God Love On You
The truth is, the only way ANY of this will make sense is if you understand the immense and complete love that God has for you. A love that passes understanding and even lets you understand why YOU are worth loving. And saving.
Go to God, friend. And let Him love on you. Through the mess, the past, the hurt, the repentence. Let Him love you through it!
XO,
Lanissa Spoon
LET'S CHAT: Why do you think saving ourselves for marriage is getting and harder?! What are some truths you've learned along your journey of singleness-marriage?! Scroll down, and share with us in the comments below!! I would LOVE to chat back with you!
